Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
