I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
