do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
