Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
