Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
