i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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