Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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