If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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