God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
