and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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