I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
