I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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