The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
