i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
