My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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