if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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