There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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