It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
