hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
