I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
