so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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