i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
