i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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