Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
there is glitter all over my balls
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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