is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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