All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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