and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
