well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
