I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
