Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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