I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
