She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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