need another drink. this is the easiest way
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
