He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
