sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
