i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
