the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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