I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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