I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
