when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
