the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
