Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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