Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
