Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
