My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
