Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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