Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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