I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
