It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
