i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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