I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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