where does the pee come out of this thing
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
