dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
