Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
