She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
