finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
