WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
